Blog Hiatus

It seems that with all of the things that require my attention for update, my poor little blog has gone by the wayside. Too bad because this is my favorite of the social networking entities.

So...where to start...I guess with the obvious topic...pregnancy.

I am thinking this will be an ongoing segment because from what I understand, this is a 10 month commitment (that's right kids 40 weeks...that 9 month thing is a myth to lure you into conception). For now it has been mostly fun with periods of panic, dismay and utter exhaustion. For your chuckling pleasure I have made up a top 10 list...

Carefully Guarded Secrets of the First 16 Weeks

1. This one is pretty common...but for those out there that were unaware....MORNING Sickness. Ha! Morning Sickness would be a blessing. No no ladies, it is all day with no warning sickness. Sitting at your desk at work, still haven't told anyone so playing it cool, all of a sudden someone walks past your office with, what would normally be a yummy smelling PopTart, and BAM...you are scurrying down the hall.

***Jess's magic cure: Jolly Ranchers!***

2. Pants. Who needs them. Unless you are blessed with the cutesie basketball pregnancy you can kiss your favorite dress pants good-bye after week 14 (or if you are super stubborn...go ahead and wiggle into them at week 17...but don't expect to sit down at work).

***Jess's current number of buttons that have been "moved": 6**** (PS...yes I did buy 3 new pair of maternity pants...but am still convinced that I am forced to wear them before my time).

3. Dreams. Holy crap! This one I read about...but I repeat...Holy Crap! You go from terrible dreams of being left alone on a deserted island with no Jolly Ranchers in the first Tri to well...lets just say that there is a whole industry related to the ones you get in the Second.

***Jess has no words for this one...just don't forget to wake up...and don't be mad at your mate for your hormone's featured presentation.***

4. Hunger. Second breakfast. Need I say more?

***Cravings of interest: Pad Thai, Open Faced Turkey Sandwich, McDonalds Fish Sandwich and Egg and Cheese Biscuits*** (any wonder about those buttons?)

5. Potty breaks. My sincere apologies for harassing my dear friends that had to pee more that 3 times per day...cause I am begging to be cathed! Please...give me a bag that I can carry around and not trot down the hall 800 times/day! Please!!

***Of note....B vitamins (the bulk of your prenatals) make your pee a pretty color and icky smell.***

6. THAR SHE BLOWS!!! If society is so focused on women not tooting and burping in public they would make men have the babies. Yikes.

***Foods to be wary of...Broccoli. Soooo yummy....sooo volatile!***

7. Bipolar...has nothing on me! Yep, its true, you can go from happily sitting at your desk to wanting all of a sudden to kill the next person that has the audacity to exist. Weird really. I had a mirror in my desk drawer to make sure that the crazed look I was feeling wasn't actually making its way out.

***Jess's tip: Remember that not killing your mate thing.***

8. Exhaustion. I am too tired to write on this one. Seriously though, for someone like me that used to survive on very little sleep quite well...this is ridiculous. I am talking 10 hours/night. Who has time for that??

***Jess's tip: After much research and personal interviews. One caffeinated beverage/day seems to be pretty Kosher...though talk to you MD in case you are Special.***

9. Swelling. Maybe its just me...but my feet really swell up at the end of the day. Now, true, they used to do that anyway, but good grief! This is supposed to be a 3rd trimester thing.

***Jess's tip: screw fashion, go for comfy!***

10. Fitness. Eep. Go from 5K to barely being able to walk around the 2 mile loop in your neighborhood. Okay...this was my fault...I was a smidge terrified the first few weeks so I crawled in my little bubble and hid...but MAN is it hard to get back into it. My dog (with the 2.5 inch legs) can totally out trot me on walks.

***Jess's tip: Keep up your normal routine unless the doc says no!!***

11. Okay...this is a top 11 list...Memory. I used to pride myself on my ability to multitask and remember stuff. Oh no my friends. If you would believe it, I now rely on Dave's memory. Baby Brain is not a myth!

***Jess's tip: WRITE IT DOWN!! Otherwise consider it gone.***

That's all.

Toodles.